Lovely friends,
There is a strange little satisfaction in realizing something doesn’t get to you anymore.
You know the kind of moment I’m talking about. Someone says something, an old situation pops up, or you find yourself dealing with a problem that would have completely thrown you a few years ago. You brace yourself for the usual reaction because you remember exactly how this used to go, and then you realize you are handling it surprisingly well. I actually think those moments deserve more credit than we give them.
We spend so much time trying to grow that sometimes we miss the evidence that we already have.
I noticed this while doing this week’s reading because so much of the energy felt familiar. Old people, old feelings, old fears, old relationship dynamics, old work situations. Things we thought we had moved beyond can have a funny way of wandering back through the front door. My first instinct used to be that if something came back, obviously I hadn’t dealt with it properly the first time.
I don’t believe that anymore.
Sometimes life repeats itself enough for us to notice that we aren’t repeating ourselves. Something can still annoy you without ruining your whole day. Someone can still push an old button and you can realize the button barely works anymore. You can feel an old fear come up and recognize it before it gets to make the decisions. You can even love someone and realize you no longer want the relationship you once had with them.
I think Reiki has helped me tremendously with this over the years because Reiki has taught me to notice what is happening inside me before I immediately react to it. When I feel myself getting worked up about something, I can usually tell where I’m holding it pretty quickly. My stomach tightens, my shoulders go up, my thoughts start running, or I get that familiar feeling that tells me an old fear just walked into the room.
Sometimes I will put my hands on myself and send Reiki right into that feeling. I don’t need to have the entire thing figured out first. I can sit there for a few minutes and let myself settle while I figure out what is actually bothering me. Usually I can think a whole lot more clearly once my body isn’t screaming at me.
Archangel Michael is also a huge part of this for me. I have worked with Michael for so many years that calling him in feels very natural when something shakes me up. I ask him to help me ground, clear the fear around me, and help me see what belongs to what is happening right now and what I may be dragging in from the past.
Because those two things can get mixed together really fast. Something happens and suddenly my brain has opened every old file remotely connected to it. Here is the last time this happened. Here is what went wrong then. Here is why we should probably assume the worst. Thanks for your help, brain.
This is also why I keep coming back to intuition. There is usually a tiny window before all of that noise starts where I already know how I feel about something. Then, if I give myself enough time, I can absolutely talk myself out of what I knew five minutes ago.
I have gotten better about catching that. I will still look at the facts and use common sense, especially with a big decision, but I don’t automatically dismiss that first feeling anymore. I have learned that I need to at least hear myself out before I invite everybody else into the conversation.
And who we invite into that conversation matters too.
There are people who love us dearly and still remember a version of us that is ten years out of date. They may remember when we couldn’t handle something, when we made a terrible choice, or when we were scared to take a chance. So when we ask them what they think, sometimes they are giving advice to that person because that is still who they expect to show up.
I have had to think about this in my own life. When I want advice, I want it from someone who knows me well enough to be honest with me and also recognizes that I have changed. I don’t need someone agreeing with everything I do. Good grief, that would probably be dangerous. I just want to make sure I am not borrowing somebody else’s old picture of me and using it to decide what I am capable of now.
And maybe that is part of letting go that we don’t talk about enough. There are obvious things we know we need to release, but I think we can also get really attached to our own history. We remember who we were in a certain relationship, what happened at an old job, what scared us, what we tolerated, and the mistakes we made. After a while, those stories can become part of how we describe ourselves even when they aren’t completely true anymore.
I have been working with that more in Reiki too. When I am releasing something, I don’t want to spend the whole session staring backward at what happened. At some point I want to know what I am making room for now. I can call in Michael, ask for help releasing the fear and old cords around it, let Reiki move through whatever I am still holding, and then come back to the life I am actually living.
That last part matters to me because I don’t want to spend forever processing every single thing that has ever happened. Sometimes I am done. Sometimes I learned what I needed to learn, cried about it, journaled about it, sent Reiki to it, talked to Spirit about it, and I would really like to get on with my Tuesday.
Maybe that sounds a little unspiritual, but I actually think there is something healthy about being done.
I don’t need every old situation to become another six-month healing project. If something comes back around and I notice that I am calmer, clearer, making better choices, or simply less interested in participating in the old nonsense, I want to give myself credit for that. I have changed. I am allowed to respond from where I am now.
That was probably my favorite part of this week’s reading. It made me think about all the ways we look for proof that we are moving forward while missing the proof sitting right in front of us. Sometimes you don’t see your growth until life hands you something that used to knock you sideways and you realize it doesn’t anymore.
I doubt Spirit is going to mail me a graduation certificate for any of this, although I would absolutely frame it if one showed up.
For now, I think those little moments are enough. Something old comes around, I notice what happens inside me, and every once in a while I get to think, Well, look at that. I really am different now.
And I kind of love that.
Much love,
Lisa 💜
