Lovely friends,
I think one of the hardest things about learning to have boundaries is realizing how much energy we can spend trying to keep everybody else comfortable.
I’ve definitely done this in my own life. You have a conversation where something bothers you, but you don’t really say what you mean. You soften it, explain around it, or decide it isn’t worth bringing up. Then hours later you’re still thinking about the conversation and coming up with all the things you wish you had said.
That can be exhausting.
I think a lot of us say we’re afraid of speaking our truth, but what we’re really worried about is what happens afterward. Will the person be upset? Will they misunderstand me? Will this turn into an argument? Will they think I’m being difficult? Will this change the relationship?
Those are real concerns, especially if you’re someone who is sensitive to other people’s emotions. When you can feel the shift in somebody’s energy the second they become uncomfortable, it can be very tempting to start fixing the discomfort before you’ve even finished saying what you needed to say.
I’ve learned over the years that this is where I can get myself into trouble. I start adding explanations because I want the other person to understand exactly why I feel the way I do. Then I add another explanation because I don’t want them to think I’m mad. Before I know it, I’ve talked so much that I’ve watered down the thing I was trying to say in the first place.
Sometimes a complete sentence really is enough.
“I can’t do that.”
“I’m not comfortable with that.”
“I need some time to think about it.”
“I see this differently.”
Those sentences can feel surprisingly uncomfortable when you’re used to following them with a five-minute explanation.
I’ve had to learn that somebody else being disappointed with my answer doesn’t automatically mean I gave the wrong answer. They are allowed to have feelings about what I say. I’m responsible for being respectful and honest in how I communicate, and they get to decide how they feel about it.
That has been a big lesson for me.
I also think timing matters. It is much easier for me to have a reasonable conversation when I speak up while something is still small. If I keep swallowing things because I don’t want to make waves, eventually I’m not discussing one little issue anymore. I’m carrying six months of frustration into a conversation about something that happened Tuesday.
Then everything comes out with it.
This is why I’ve gotten much better about paying attention to my body. Sometimes I know something is bothering me before I’ve consciously admitted it to myself. I’ll notice tension in my jaw, that funny feeling in my stomach, or the immediate resistance that comes up when somebody asks me for something I really don’t want to do.
I used to be much quicker to override those feelings. I could talk myself into almost anything if I thought saying no would disappoint somebody. These days I try to give myself enough time to figure out what I actually feel before I answer.
That little pause has saved me a lot of resentment.
This is also an area where I love working with Archangel Michael and Archangel Raguel.
Michael has been part of my spiritual practice for years, and I often work with him around courage, truth, protection, strength, and boundaries. If I know I need to have a conversation that makes me nervous, I’ll ask Michael to help me stay grounded in myself so I can say what I need to say without letting fear take over.
Raguel brings in a different kind of support. I associate him with harmony, fairness, relationships, and resolving conflict. I like working with Raguel when I want to communicate clearly while still leaving room for the other person to have their own perspective.
That combination makes sense to me because good communication requires both.
I need enough courage to tell you the truth, and I also need enough awareness to remember that I’m talking to another human being.
There have absolutely been times when I was technically right about something and still could have said it better. Being intuitive or spiritual doesn’t magically make us wonderful communicators all the time. Sometimes we get irritated. Sometimes we get defensive. Sometimes we say something with more bite than we intended.
When that happens, I think we can own it.
I can apologize for my tone without pretending I didn’t mean what I said. I can recognize that I could have handled a conversation better while still honoring the boundary underneath it. That has been another really important lesson for me because an apology doesn’t always mean taking back everything you said.
I’ve also learned that I don’t have to have every difficult conversation the minute I feel something.
If I’m really activated, I usually need a little time before I speak. That might mean taking a walk, doing Reiki, breathing for a few minutes, asking Michael to help me clear my energy, or simply saying, “I need to think about this before I answer.”
That is very different from avoiding the conversation for three weeks while I quietly get angrier.
Giving myself time to regulate helps me figure out what I actually want to communicate. Usually the truth gets much simpler once the emotional charge settles down. I don’t need the speech I rehearsed in my head while I was mad. I need the two or three sentences underneath it.
One of the hardest parts of all of this is accepting that being honest can change relationships.
I wish I could tell you that if you communicate perfectly, everybody will respect your boundary and everything will work out beautifully. Human beings don’t work that way. Someone may disagree with you. They may be disappointed. They may need some space. You may even discover that a relationship worked better when you were always the one bending.
That information can hurt, but it is still information.
Healthy relationships have room for two people. There has to be space for your needs, your feelings, your limits, and your perspective too. You should be able to say no sometimes, disagree sometimes, and tell someone when something doesn’t feel right without believing that one honest conversation is going to destroy everything.
And sometimes you may be the person who needs to hear something uncomfortable too.
That matters just as much.
If I want people to respect my truth, I have to be willing to let them have theirs. I may not agree with it. I may need a boundary around it. But real communication goes both ways, and I think that is where Archangel Raguel’s energy can be especially helpful. We can ask for support seeing the situation fairly instead of only trying to prove our own point.
For me, this whole practice has become much less about “speaking my truth” as some big dramatic spiritual moment. It’s usually very ordinary. It’s answering honestly when I’d normally say yes automatically. It’s saying something bothered me before resentment has time to build. It’s asking for what I need and allowing the other person to answer honestly too.
And sometimes it’s realizing that I’ve already explained myself enough.
You can be kind without making yourself responsible for everybody’s comfort. You can have boundaries and still have compassion. You can change your mind, ask for space, say no, disagree, apologize when you handle something poorly, and still stand by what you know is right for you.
I think that is what speaking your truth with love actually looks like in real life.
It’s rarely perfect. It takes practice. And every time you communicate a little more honestly, you learn that you can handle what comes next.
Much love,
Lisa 💜
