Lovely friends,
I have noticed something changing in me over the last couple of months, and I think this week’s reading made me finally put words to it.
I am ready to hold myself accountable for creating more of the life I actually want.
That is a little uncomfortable for me to admit because accountability sounds wonderful until I am the person being held accountable. I can come up with excellent reasons why something can wait until tomorrow. I can get distracted by a new idea, spend too much time thinking about how I want to do something, or convince myself I will be much more motivated on Monday.
Apparently Monday Lisa has been assigned quite a workload over the years.
But I have been watching what happens when I consistently do the things I say I want to do, and something is changing.
Over the past couple of months, I have been much more deliberate about my work. I have been showing up for the things I want to grow, finishing projects, trying new ideas, paying attention to what works, adjusting what doesn’t, and coming back the next day to do it again. Some of it has been exciting, and some of it has been the boring little stuff nobody sees.
And I think the boring little stuff may be changing me the most.
After my mom died in August, there was so much to process after months of hospitals, decisions, worry, paperwork and simply getting through what was in front of me. Somewhere in these last couple of months, though, I started feeling something else underneath all of that.
I want my life back.
I want to feel excited about things. I want goals. I want to grow my work and try new things. I want time with John that is actually fun. I want to take better care of the things that matter to me, finish what I start more often, and stop waiting for some magical burst of motivation to turn me into the person who does all of this effortlessly.
She apparently isn’t coming.
So I have to work with the Lisa I’ve got.
And actually, she’s doing pretty well.
That has been important for me to recognize because I am very good at looking at what still needs to be done. Give me ten things to accomplish and I will finish nine of them and stare suspiciously at number ten.
Archangel Michael came through so strongly in this week’s reading with the message to give ourselves credit for the work we have already done. I realized afterward that I needed to hear that personally.
I have changed.
My consistency has changed. My relationship with my work has changed. I am getting better at following through instead of waiting until I feel perfectly inspired. I am learning that I can have a day where I don’t get everything done and come back the next morning without turning it into some grand statement about my ability to succeed.
That may sound small, but I don’t think it is.
Because consistency is starting to give me something motivation never really could.
Evidence.
Every time I show up for something that matters to me, I have a little more evidence that I can trust myself. Every time I finish something I would have procrastinated on, I have evidence. Every time I try something new, learn from it and keep going, I have evidence.
I think that is part of what happiness looks like for me right now.
I don’t mean being cheerful every minute. I mean feeling like I am participating in where my own life is going.
There are so many things happening in the world that I cannot control. I can worry about them, and believe me, I can do an excellent job of that. But eventually I have to come back to my own little corner of the world and ask what I am doing with it.
Am I creating something I care about?
Am I taking care of the people I love?
Am I using what I’ve learned?
Am I making choices that actually support the life I say I want?
Am I having any fun?
That last one deserves to be on the list.
I think this is what “be the change you want to see” means to me on a very personal level right now. I cannot make the entire world calmer, kinder, happier or more hopeful. I can work on making my home that way. I can bring that energy into my work. I can treat people well. I can take responsibility for my own choices. I can create things that help people feel better. I can turn the television off, put my phone down and go do something that reminds me there is still a whole life happening outside the noise.
And I can work toward my own happiness instead of waiting for happiness to find me when everything finally settles down.
That feels different.
This week’s reading had such strong forward movement in it, and I think that is why it hit me personally. Spirit can help me. My angels can guide me. Michael can stand beside me when I need courage. Raziel can help me see possibilities I haven’t considered.
But I still have to get up and participate.
I have to make the call, do the work, try the idea, finish the project, make plans with John, go somewhere, meet people, laugh, rest when I need to, and get back to it when I wander off course.
I am probably still going to wander off course.
I’m me.
The difference is that I am getting much better at coming back.
Maybe that is what I am most proud of right now. I don’t need to suddenly become a completely different person to create a different life. I need to keep showing up as the person I am, with a little more intention, a little more consistency, and a willingness to hold myself accountable for the things I say matter to me.
So that is my goal going into this next season.
I want to see what happens if I really show up for my own life.
Not perfectly. Consistently.
And I have a feeling it could get pretty interesting.
Much love,
Lisa 💜