Human beings are social creatures, we are in a continuous set of relationships all through our daily life. Be it the newspaper delivery boy, family members, colleagues etc. we are interacting with a number of people every day. Of course, we don’t behave the same with all the people and neither do we need to it. As the interaction requires we share different attitude, information and affection. We in fact wear a mask of sorts, a much needed one because we can’t say and do everything that comes up to our mind. For example, we may be a mad at a person for something done wrong but showing up anger openly and shouting your head off is a bad way of solving the issue.
There are a few people in our lives we can be pretty honest about our feelings; parents, best friends, and most importantly our lover/partner/spouse. However, sometimes, even there not to 100%, as total openness will ruin the relationship. The modern culture is obsessed with finding the right person, “the one” with whom we can share our “Happy ever after”. Is it possible? If it is what are ways we can bring love into our life?
I am sure you played with a dog, and wondered at the joy that gushes out of its eyes, its wagging tail, the total surrender, unconditional love that shines about. It is rare to find people who can give us unconditional love like that. The main reason being we are complicated creatures, we have too much going on in our heads. We have desires, fears, grievances, happy and sad memories, etc. It is difficult to expect constant love from a person with a mind filled with continuously changing thoughts and emotions and that is how most of us are. Let’s look into the possibility of “Happy ever after” towards the end of the article, for now we will look into the various ways we can attract love.
1. Stop Begging – Know That You Are Worthy of Love
You are worthy of being loved. Exactly as you are. Have you heard the kind of pop songs where the singer literally begs the other person to stay and fulfill him/her? What makes us think like that? Are we conditioned to think that having a partner is the pinnacle of existence? Anyone who has been in a romantic relationship would confirm that having a partner is not so. We need to learn first to be confident in ourselves, comfortable in our own skin. We can truly love others when we are not insecure with a continuous fear of losing them. We attract others to us when we are calm and confident being alone and not feeling lonely.
2. What Are Your Expectations
We have too many requirements about qualification, looks, money etc. for falling in love with someone. Leaving the superficial aside, we may perfectly sync with someone whom we least expect to. Sometimes it is also like a competition in the social circle in regards to who has the most beautiful partner, richest partner etc. That’s the silliest trap you can fall into. The main requirement is it be on the same page with your partner mentally, emotionally and that you both care about each other.
3. Move out of your comfort zone
If you spend time with the same or similar type of people, you need to up your game. If you are an IT professional and you barely move out of your circle, you are missing out on most of the humanity. Do you only hang out with a group of friends? I am not asking you to be like a predator looking for a prey but be open and have normal conversations with people from all walks of life. This attitude moves you out of your comfort zone. You are looking for change and a new partner, you will likely need to change your settings now and then to find new people to connect with.
4. Be Love
Being a giver is always more powerful than being a taker. Give affection to people whenever and wherever possible. Money gets used up when you spend it but love spent will only give you more love. This state of being creates positive vibes around you. People would like to be in your presence, you wouldn’t feel the lack of partner, and you are not psychologically dependent on “the one”. This attracts people to you.
5. Spirituality and Meditation
You may be thinking “All the above mentioned points are fine but how does one actually achieve them”. I know really well where you are coming from. All these “Should do that, should do this” are not as easy as reading an article. The power to change comes from reprogramming of your mind or rather a deprogramming. The junk in your thinking stops you from feeling and being empowered. In my case, I realized my strength through spiritual teachings of Eckhart Tolle, Anthony De Mello. Find out a teacher whose work syncs with your mind and follow their words to become aware of the patterns you are trapped in. Following a meditation technique will also increase the pace of positive change.
Everyone you meet is sharing your life with you to some extent or the other. They are all your life partners. Yes, there are a few people who stay a longer duration than others, but one day or the other they will also leave. One has to learn to love everyone and be loved by everyone that come into their life. It is not about finding the right person but being in the right attitude. Eventually you will find yourself more regularly in contact with specific people and more so with your life partner but it will not be a desperate act of holding onto a person. “Happy ever after” is possible but it is not only with your life partner but ever moment with everyone in your presence.
True love is in you always, you just have to learn to be it.
“”I have no fear of losing you, for you aren’t an object of my property, or anyone else’s. I love you as you are, without attachment, without fears, without conditions, without egoism, trying not to absorb you. I love you freely because I love your freedom as well as mine”.
― Anthony De Mello